Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize