Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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