i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
