I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Randomize
