He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
