you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
