What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
