We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i think i have two assholes
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
