Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
