I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
