i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
