my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I need a burrito and a hug.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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