my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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