based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
