I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
