WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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