You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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