Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
