I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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