So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
