my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
