He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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