I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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