So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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