In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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