if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
