If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
