I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
