dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
