Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
