Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
