I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
