Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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