I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
