no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize