Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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