I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
