he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
