K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
