i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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