i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
