You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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