Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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