True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
