I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
