This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
