im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
