Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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