yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
