I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
