3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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