A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
