No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
