I will die if light touches me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
