There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
