FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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