I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
And then he peed in my hair
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