i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
