I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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