There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
