if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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