I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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