uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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