he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
