I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
