She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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