This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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