I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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