did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
