Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
