At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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