Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
