he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
