living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
